Trembling Scalp

Trembling Scalp
Is this a good first couple of paragraphs for a story of why, why not?

"Please sign the papers, said Ms. Del Bank, while I look for her new daughter. "Ms. Bank hit hard enough to rattle the room and have the parents have their lives flash before them. "Chrissy! Come here!" Come to where ever ragloos worthless hide! Do I have to come from the search for you and drag your new parents! "Cried Mrs. Bank HoHo fill another in the mouth. Chrissy, who was hiding in the corner and waiting for the moment to jump out he whispered to his friend standing ally to it. "What in the world does ragloos say?" I think it's one of those words that is, if you do not jump out now going to be scalped and cooked alive "Said the tremor ally hated to do things by beating fear of being caught. PS I'M ONLY 12

You have your priorities wrong. It's nice to see that we readers to know about a hoho even before knowing who is speaking, who is speaking and what they are talking. besides that, the smells all …

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